My children will not have televisions in their rooms, or computers, or PSPs or whatever gadgetry they may come up with by that time. I am going to find a home surrounded by trees, and tall grass, and flowers and sunlight. They are going to run around and get dirty. They are going to learn to ride bikes by falling and getting up again, learn to swim by being thrown into the water as i did.

Their rooms will be filled with big, fluffy pillows and walls and walls of books. books with stories of a land far, far away, and hand drawn images of princes and queens and evil kings and conquerors and heroes and things. the smell of musty pages and the rustling of paper will be a part of their daily lives. they are going to read, read, read so much that they will feel that they have traveled so far, when they have yet to leave those four walls.

Their skin will be rosy and golden from being under the sun, their hair a big mess from too much running. they'll be stinky and they'll need constant baths from playing with the dogs and they're going to grow up wanting fresh air in their lungs and an unparalleled love for adventure.

And then of course the world is going to keep on changing, and they are gong to keep on creating these machines that "make life more convenient". Machines that, in the long run, teach us to be lazy and shorten our attention spans as well as our sentences.

and though my children will have to know that world, and will have to live in it, i will never allow them to stop imagining, stop daydreaming and to stop being curious. they will always have inside of them other universes; galaxies of knowledge and truth and adventures. That way, no matter what may come their way, no matter how cold and cruel the world will get, they can look inside them and find that no, it does not at all begin, or end, here.


===


It was one of those strange nights when you feel a little bit magical. the moon is silver, the wind is sparkling and everything is hushed and mysterious.

I laid my head upon my pillow and remembered a little rhyme:

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.



As my eyes slowly fluttered shut, behind my eyelids began to play images of the rhyme. a bright night illuminated by a big round moon, the silhouette of a little cow curving over it, and a silly cat playing a tune to the dish and the spoon's evening tryst. I fell asleep to the sound of a fiddle and little feet pitter-pattering away into the moonlight. i felt like a child again, as i settled into dreams.


A few days later, on a golden afternoon, i walked out of a building greeted by the glistening green of tall grass and the warm orange of the setting sun. i saw three young boys running around, pretending to be on a journey to find adventure. they ran off and disappeared into the tall grass and low branches, reminding me of my childhood of books and imagination and tree climbing and handwritten letters. When i was younger, everything was an adventure.

It's funny-- tossing and turning last night, thinking all the things i was thinking, i wouldn't have expected anyone else to be going through those funny thoughts i was thinking at that moment. but reading up on my friends' thoughts i thought "wow they're thinking the same things i've been thinking".

So it was nice to know that through all of that funny thinking i'm not so alone and though there is a disconnect and a distance there is still something that we share and i believe, somehow, we will go back to that thing. some time in life, we'll all meet each other at that particular place but we'll be better people, smarter, more loving people, able to roll with the punches. and perhaps, able to punch right back. 


=====

The Darkness doesn't come when His light surroudns me. the cold isn't is paralyzing and the fear goes out the window almost as quickly as it comes. I understand now why those panic attacks used to come, and i understand now why i never told anyone.

Hi Everybody!

I've totally left you cold turkey, haven't i? I've faced this blank page with so many things to say and yet with no words to say them! That truly is a fascinatingly confusing state.

I'm still in it, and i just wanted to drop by to tell you that i'm trying to find clarity through photos! haha and now i've got me my own Flickr account, thanks to Kaity's prodding (feeling, di naman ako kailangan pilitin mashado haha).


so if you've got yourself an account, add me add me add meeeee! www.flickr.com/photos/kris_isaac. see you there :)

I will now take a moment to be FEMALE (yes, i am) and talk a little bit about what kind of fashion i'd like to incorporate into my wardrobe as of late. Take note that desire and reality often do not see eye to eye (thus, the existence of the desire), so you may or may never see these things on my body or in my closet. perhaps my imagination is good enough, for these hard times. oh to be young and frivolous!

1) High Waisted Shorts and Skirts

I was so pleasantly surprised to find that these waist hugging things actually LENGTHEN my short body! i always thought it would make me look like a tree stump, but apparently the cut is quite flattering for us little people.

i actually have a pair of tan high-waisted shorts-- but because the world hates me, i gained weight immediately after the purchase and now my lovely puson bulges out, and if i'm not mistaken, there is also the appearance of camel toe. no thanks! must either lose weight(boo), or go shopping soon (yay!)


2) Masculine cuts and pieces

Seeing as i have always been and always will be macho, might as well make it look good, right? i would love to walk around wearing men's button down shirts or tuxedo tops and pants but for some reason, i just can't get comfortable with it. i feel too much like a man! but one day, when i find just the right cut, i hopefully will paint the town red (or pink, or orange) in my masculine, un-butchy look.

Most days, i absolutely hate the rain. it's dirty, it's messy, and most of all, it's WET. Wet, wet, wet! 

but are you looking out the window right now? it's beautiful! it's like a snow globe, but not because it's raining! do you get what i'm saying? things are flying about in circles and cars are honking like crazy and the traffic has begun (oh i pity my poor, un-pedicured feet) but the rain goes on and on and ON like none of us matter.

and i suppose in the big order of things, our teeny little lives do matter so little. why do we make such a big fuss out of everything? (yes, i am talking to myself)

and now the thunder and lightning are having an argument, about who's scarier. the lighting that can kill or the thunder that's booming? i mean yes, lighting can kill but without thunder it's just this pretty little light that breaks the sky in many little pieces.

but the thunder, oh the thunder! i really am so afraid of booming, banging, bursting, exploding things! tyres, balloons, thunder. it's all scary to me, really. 

Back to the rain.

It's falling in sheets now, thick curtains of white and grey. sometimes when the wind blows it spirals about, like milk in your hot chocolate. or creamer in your coffee. 

That's the only thing i like about rain, you see. The hot chocolate. and the excuse to wear knee-high boots and layers. and the fact that my grandfather's farm has been watered (he's an old man, you see. and he doesn't have a lot of people). and also, i like the way the world looks after the rain. all glistening and sparkly and quiet. 

from my 15th floor condo unit, you can see people peeking out after the rain, like little mice, sniffing the air for clear signs of safety. or maybe some cheese. 

and there it goes again, pouring and pouring and pouring. The wonders of the rain.

Most days, i hate it so. but i guess today is an exception.

I came across this quote recently about how God is looking for people through whom He'll do the impossible, and what a sad thing it is that we only plan for things that we are only capable of.

It struck me so much because i'm currently working on a project that has got my nerves in knots and looks like it just might not happen the way i thought it would. that quote reminded me that man's plans may always fail, but God's plans are perfect, and if we wait on Him and allow Him to work through us, the stories unfold in a way we never could have imagined.

Also, all the stress and anxiety is making me turn to prayer a whole lot, and i don't think that can ever be a bad thing, now can it?

== 

this football coach once said that no one who has done their best has ever regretted it -- so wherever you guys are today, whatever it is you have to do the next two weeks (hi Vicky w_llflower !  haha!) be excellent. Whether you have to make coffee or teach children or design sky scrapers. and don't be daunted by the impossible. God puts no limists on faith, nor does your faith put limits on God. He's quite great that way ;)

I feel very bad for people who don't think about where they came from.

especially when the family you forgot loves you like none of your short-lived highs ever can.

and we go through life with our eyes closed, holding on to what we know is each other, hoping against hope that the world will be kinder this time around, that the stories they told about true love are all true.

some days i know that this is it, that in you i have found something bigger than myself. and then some days i look at you and feel nothing but the fear of being left behind all over again.

and then in the midst of my delirium, you take my hand and say a really stupid, unfunny joke and then i'm brought back to reality and i find that my future is filled with weird inside jokes and laughter and food and life and this amount of love that overflows i have to share it, to give it. and it's okay, it all becomes okay.

if you, dear, maybe random reader, if you knew me, and knew me well, then you will know that it's all going to be okay has always been the only thing that i have been looking for. because below and beyond that is only momentary, and we all have our chances to feel elation and depression.

but this. this. not everyone has this. and i am blessed.

pauli na ta! dili na tugnaw dong oy, dili na.

never one for window shopping, it's been one of the biggest adjustments i had to make just to make things work with Niki. True story!

he'll actually go up to me and say "tara mall tayo" tapos sasabihin ko "huh anong gagawin natin dun wala naman akong pera" and then while dragging me he'll say "mangangarap lang tayo!"

this of course doesn't agree with my gut since i've never been one to want what i cannot have, but since it's christmas and hey, it's a magical time, might as well right?

at least making a list doesn't involve going to tha mall. ugh.


1) Christian Louboutin Declic Black Pumps



drool drool drooooool. people don't understand how important a good pair of black pumps is. my size is 7 1/2 ehem ehem

2) Nike Air Force 1 - Rainbow




i found an adorable pair of pink ones in subic a year ago, and since then i've been looking for just the right kicks but i could never get myself to buy any of the SNORE designs that they sell here. and then i looked online and then kaboom!



it was love. cute cute cuuuuute

photos from EUkicks.com!

3) The Spa Refreshing Start Package

Aromafacial Massage
Choice of Foot Therapy
(Peppermint Foot Rub, Oriental Foot Therapy or Thai Foot Massage)
Choice of Deluxe Body Massage
(Swedish, Shiatsu, or Deep Tissue)

Note: You can be upgraded to Executive by adding Php 200.00

2 Hour Session




OMG i don't care if anyone gives this to me, i'll get the executive room for myself no matter what.

4) Egyptian Cotton linens



100 % pure egyptian cotton, eco-friendly, and a freaking 1,500 thread count. holy crap can you imagine! i'll never wake up ever. this is a DREAM.

5) A really, really, really, really, really, really good night's sleep.

 






haha in the end, the best things in life are free :)


wow wow wow i really need to finish my christmas shopping. children i am so excited! i LOVE christmas! yay!

I've been living a secret life, you see.

There's normal, happy, underwear-wearing kris isaac. then there's happy, still-underwear-wearing, but sneaky spy person kris. People wonder why i'm so good at digging up stuff about people on the internet, and it's because for a little while, i found myself obsessed with a girl.

She was his object of desire back in college. most of his friends would pinpoint her as the big love before i came along and overwhelmed him with my incredible charm, razor-sharp wit and spankin' good looks (HAHAHAHAHAHA).

But for some reason or another, i always felt like i was being compared to her, and it's not easy when she was a college heartthrob, and i was mostly known for being heard far and wide due to my God-given ability to modulate. as well as for being emo (excuse me, i was there before emo became known for the hairstyle. and my brand of emo was poetic haha).

i made a promise to myself early on that i would not be one of those girls who labored so much to look pretty and put together just to go to school so they can be noticed by shallow self-centered jocks with penises for brains (pphheeeww), but i went on being noticed anyway since i couldn't keep my voice down. arr.

This girl's cute, you see. and was his best friend. and she was nice. and she could dance. i wouldn't give her much for grammar but she was just one of those people whom everyone liked cos she was just so damn cute! and she modeled. and did commercials. I HATE VTRs.

so behind his back i found her and built up a person in my head. i saw a trillion photos of her in her most favorite place in the world, which was-- yes you guessed it-- Embassy. i found notes and things that seriously, mean absolutely nothing but since i was being all Veronica Mars on him, everything suddenly meant something.

Man, i was in snoopy girlfriend hell.

But i was so good at it that he never had a clue. still doesn't. and you better not show him this post or i swear i will castrate you, whatever sex you may be.

And then one day,

one day

in the middle of secretly looking at yet another album of senseless dancing in embassy, he called out to me and said "hey love, are you ready to go?". i looked at him while hiding the proof of my momentary obsession and said "yeah i'll just shut down my computer" and in that instant i realized

GEE wiz kriz

you're going home with him.

whoever this was, whoever she WAS to him, that means nothing now. because it's your hand he holds and it's your mouth he kisses and your heart he loves.

so i took one last look at the very cute, very embassy-going short-time obsession, and shut my computer down. "tara" i said, and he went on to tell me about something funny he thought about earlier.

LET'S WATCH THE PACQUIAO FIGHT! I don't know much about boxing but i LOVE watching manny destroy in the ring. the swiftness escapes me a lot of the time and so i thank God so very much for replays, i really do.

there is a different feeling that comes over me every time he gets one in and it's like i can see the health bar of the opponent slowly reaching the red zone until that one beautiful swift and powerful movement from pacqiao that ends the fight. it kills, i tell ya! it just kills!

but this is DE LA HOYA YO. as much as i would like to jump around confident that manny will deliver again, it's just... it's de la hoya and so many people are already saying that manny is crazy for doing this and yes i agree, but I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THE FIGHT! LET'S WATCH GUYS LET'S WATCH!


And did you see the smiling sky last night? i personally didn't but there were photos and upon seeing them i imagined God going "he he he" in his own omnipotent, omnipresent, creator of the heavens and the earth kind of way. haha. that was seriously funny though! i wanna see it!

I feel the Christmas spirit through and through. do you? whenever i see pastry displays in pretty lights and colors i feel like a kid again. like i want to jump outside and play in the snow and exclaim about how the snowflakes feel like gentle kisses. but then i realize that we live in a tropical country and the day it snows here is the day we must all repent of our sins for the Armageddon is here haha.

and yes i have been out and about and just cos i don't post pictures of every single event i go to doesn't mean i'm old and out of it. forgive me for being too katams to post photos.

OMG CHRISTMAS NA!


that's all!

I think that there are three major types of women: The New Maria Clara, The Ordinary Girl, And The Liberated One (i was gonna say post-modern, but since NOBODY really, truly understands what the hell Post-modern really means, i'm just gonna put The Liberated One). This is my attempt at understanding society, but it is not in anyway an unchangeable belief. I've never been one for categorizing people, but for the sake of trying to walk out of my quarter-life crisis alive, i am going to make himay-himay this whole thing like a thorny tilapia.

Every once in a while there is a female who happens to have great balance between all three types, but that is rare, and the most difficult thing to accomplish. you secretly hate her and secretly want to be her. but you'll never admit it.  We'll talk more about her later. and since The Ordinary Girl is so NORMAL that i'll probably describe her as "nice" 350 times, i'll just skip on her.

Take note that i don't think any one type is better than the other. every single woman is beautiful in her own way and is always capable of being better, stronger, bigger. some are just more boring than others and some are skankier than others (UGH CAN YOU PLEASE STOP WEARING PEK PEK SHORTS EVERYWHERE YOU GO. tag-ulan na huy mahahamog ka niyan eh).

The New Maria Clara, as you can derive from the name, is the part-traditional, part-go-get-em woman. she's the one who won't belch out loud, she'll cover her mouth when she laughs oh so daintily, she'll never ask a guy out on a date, she expects to be courted, and she is respected for her femininity. She is strong but she believes in the different roles of men and women in society, and has no issues regarding these roles. she knows that even if it's the man who brings home the moolah, she controls most of the things at home. the man may be the head, but she is the neck that turns that head (hello, My Big Fat Greek Wedding quote right there! i do not plagiarize!)

The Liberated One is all about conquering the world, she struggles to be heard, seen and appreciated, she believes in equal rights and will open doors for men. she has no problem with earning more than her husband, but she'll probably be attracted to power, more often than not. The Liberated One can't sit still, she needs to always be doing something, fighting for something. and fight she does. sometimes a bit too much.

Now, guess which one i fall under? yes, that's right. i am the perfect embodiment of The New Maria Clara.

HAHAHAHAHHAA.

anyway so back to being honest. yeah, i guess growing up surrounded by strong, empowered and loud women has developed my desire to be just as strong, just as empowered, and okay maybe hopefully NOT as loud. though i'm not so sure i'll ever accomplish that.
The women i look up to are INCREDIBLE women who fight for their right to be CEOs of companies, to be head surgeons, to be President (though not necessarily the current one).

but i've also learned that our femininity has such force. there are some things that are accomplished so easily by using that oh-so-alluring Hair Flip, or the you can look but you can't touch vibe. what can i say? sex sells. and men are pigs. (okay sorry, low blow. not all men. just most)


Men are lucky because throughout history they had the right to IMPOSE things, you know? yeah we had some pretty great women then but it was a MAN'S WORLD. they made us fight for the right to vote. fight for the right to be doctors and firewomen and all that jazz.
What was my point again? oh wait, yeah.

How does a woman retain her strength, be respected for her intelligence, her drive and ambition, and not be seen as a ball buster?

How does a woman learn to harness all her sexuality and beauty and grace and not be such a HO?

See these are things that women spend their lives perfecting, while feeling pressure from all sides to be this, be that. you hear the things "you're not feminine enough" or "you're so maarte". and all the while you're trying to find exactly who you are and accepting that person through and through is not always such an easy thing.

I work in a male dominated industry and i can't wait for the day people stop saying "girl band" and just say "band".

It's gonna get there. let's just hold on ladies, and fight our way through til we no longer have to fight, without a single hair out of place.

The SuperSession was. well. amazing. omg. i didn't expect the night to turn out that way!

i will not be posting photos yet but here's a sample of the rehearsal--

And all of a sudden i felt very, very scared.

although it had absolutely nothing to do with me, even if i wasn't even there, i suddenly felt afraid. and i remembered how they always used to tell us that you can't trust everybody. sometimes even the ones you think you know, they up and stab you the moment you turn your back.

and all of a sudden i missed them so much, the usual suspects.

the fear made me want to go to the last place i felt safe, the last place where i knew no one would hurt me on purpose. and save for that time niki and i fell asleep on my beanbags WHILE getting ready to go to a party (true story), the last safe place i remember was pagudpud. maybe it was the mixture of the wild waves and the freezing water and the fake chairs we "carved" out of the sand and all the liempo we ate.
whatever it was, it felt like home.

the world is so full of people you don't expect. and it isn't always a good thing. and because of one incident (that i wasn't even involved with!), i suddenly find myself doubting every single person coming my way.

tiring, tiring.

And here we finally are-- the final leg of ROCKADEMICS-- the Underground College Rock Tour!

watch The Wuds, Phillipine Violators and Red Horse Muziklaban Champions Mayonnaise and Gayuma as they show us how to rock it the right way at CHAKIK'S, Julia Vargas, Pasig, THIS FRIDAY - 7pm, October 17!

They will be joined by Kalayaan College's very own bands -- Quadro, Misyonaro, One Inch, Favored Enemy, Maya's Anklet!

P100 gets you in with FREE RED HORSE BEER!

ROCKADEMICS is brought to you by Underground Radio 105.9 and Red Horse Extra Strong Beer. Drink Moderately!

I really can get quite shy. it is an extra effort to start conversation sometimes. either that or i'm not really very fond of mankind. just consider me an expert at small talk. and i'm so incredibly good at making people feel comfortable with me that they start telling me their secrets... on the first meeting. whilst i, on the other hand, am squirming deep inside and exerting so much effort to appear like i love where i am.

don't get me wrong though, it's not like that all the time. i just wish people would stop thinking that they are the most interesting creatures in the world.

then again, i have a blog dedicated to nothing else but the sharing of the most mundane things that run through, around, and out of my mind. har. guess we're all vain huh.

also, been thinking a lot about selfishness. it's so easy to ask people to understand us, but it's so goshdarn difficult to get ourselves to understand other people.

i don't want to be selfish!



this may sound cruel. but. sometimes i wish you would go through something so heavy, so deep that it will change you forever. something that will cut you through and through. something that will hurt you, pull you under, push you out. it's gotten to the point that i think the only thing that can change you is an event that will pull out your reality from under you. you are so freakishly self-absorbed. i love you so much. and i wish you knew how much this love hurts.